five p.m.

five
pm

it is dark
here and now
this time of year

we see
the death
and dying
easy
but still go home
safely

november should not be this warm
we don't really
get weather here

but become wimps enough
to still get cold
and in that bit have some sense

that this may not be alright

it is dark
and that always makes it
fell late

coming off summer still
like a good binge

my body
and unspoken
acclamations
all mixed up

bracing for
the cleansing, sobering, and restoring
rains and cold

but in my veins
I'm still
drawn in the warmer past

and so at five pm
I stand
say good bye
to the sun
feel a breeze
warm
blow off the land
going out to the ocean
a piece in the mix
all sorting itself out

I am sorry

I found
a piece
of your smile

here under the rug
next to some old coins
and a receipt from the grocery store

I remember
the year
on that receipt

two less
we were
some ways more
and less bound
but I fear
more infatuated
if not
more in love

some much
more business
and fair share
is our game these days

I found a piece
of your smile

right
over here

I know
it is

I can
still remember

I have
pictures
on my mind

I am waiting
and wading
through

I hope
and beg the stars
and a moon
that we will find
that again

and keep
all this too

over here
I found
a piece of your smile

do you remember
being over here

do you remember
your smile

do I
remember mine

both
trapped
waiting for
something else to give

for knowing this
and not how
then or now
I am sorry

for knowing this
and not doing
something better
I am sorry

but I will still be here
still holding open a hand for yours
and ready to melt a little
of the ice that has built up
one smile
at a time

to not know you

to not know you
has been easy
to not know you
has left all that undone
untouched

did you drown in that bottle
did you walk away
to not know you
has been easy

do you cry
any tears
ever
even during the rain
ever

to not know you
has been easy

now
with children of my own
how
can you
could you have
did you
leave
with so few words
and last attempts

to not know you
has been easy

watching young hopes
mine and theirs
all ones you have not seen
to not know you
has been easy

to not know you
has been easy

having any pulse
on what has been missed
on if there has been loss
or gain
is not

to not know you
has been easy

and is
a continuation
and lasting symptom

of what I learned best
to let things be
to leave
to not react

to not know you
has been easy
and is
to not start
to not build
to not resolve

and is
too often my way
in many of my lives

to not know you
to take the easy ways
in too many things
and at too many times

has been easy

another drink

another drink
another playful dream
drowned in the making

another drink
stress relieved
only so I take it in ...
again and again
over and over
instead of dressing the wounds

another drink
another ounce gone
of my optimistic child wonder
for all the good
around this world

another drink
and bed is easier to settle with

another drink
and while it all works less
my ambition is fit to match

another once could have been
gone

red eye

a red eye
and tired lungs
turn over in bed
to get a better breath
and look at the last dream
now skipped from memory
with only a few fleeting rems
resinged
to my relativity
a spec
still dreaming
but doing little else

today

today
I have dreams
I have wings
I have a kite
and a string long enough to get there
but I can't find a breeze
to give away the wind's location

I can't float a leaf an inch off course
as I drop it to the ground

slack tide
responds to swimming with opposing current
treading water
willing to take past scenery over stagnate
goes still again

in circles
without direction

today
i have dreams
i have wings

I am ready
but waiting for something
that I am not sure I should

11-4

breaking in new shoes
walking in new light
even in the dwindling hours
we get in autumn
today is spring

Today is spring
breaking in new shoes
we are walking forward again
we are walking together

so many great tears
and open hands
collectively outpouring

this time will live
this time is
forever
great memories made

today is spring
even on this November day
the sun rose not noticing the clouds
there are still a few I know
but for a moment
I could feel
the billions of smiles
looking ahead
taking steps
and being proud
in something
so long withheld
the fire for a day
is back in more hearts than I can hear
spring is here
creating
feeding
standing together than at odds
we can

tectonics

tectonics
of soul
and mind
and circumstance
puling me
squashing me
abduction
and subduction
remaking me

my worst
moments squeeze out
new juice
to stir me to new creations
the calmest days
and seas
are actually the strongest poison

yet I let them in the door
like welcome guests

the energy to evaluate
to question
non-existent
when they
the calm seas
and stale days
come

but they only roll me into
new flats
now no getting anywheres
tectonics
of mood
stable for years
equal
and gentle
give and take
and then a day comes
that breaks your back

the plates slip
and un-pre-directed
energy grabs the arms and legs
and you walk anew

dark time

today
we celebrate
the darkness
those gone
those that made us
those that we love
and those that we fear

the clocks tick back
we pause
the heat and sunburns
of summer a memory now

we fill the void with
sugar and chocolate
and grab excitement however we can
in stories of ghosts
and all things made of shadows

today
we celebrate
waiting
and reflecting
staring into the dark
and looking for the whispers
still reaching across

we build tributes
and altars
carve prized gourds
looking for the design
that scares the scary
and welcomes our long lost
or worst just gives us here
a smile

the glow of candles is magical
even in and of themselves
offered intent and purpose
and they light up
with out destroying the spirit
of moment and place
that we find ourselves in this time of year

the wheel feels slower
but I think it's just my eyes
emotion enhances and taketh
my rational thought
all at the same time

the darkness
is here
the clocks tick back
the wind kisses cold
with gleeful crispness

until spring
I slowly re-grow
regroup refine
waiting to reemerge

to somewhere

sweet freesia
and narcissus
tarnished
with nicotine
you can dress
a pig, yourself, or your king
but still they'll be best
at their worst
when this is how we judge
and live
and reward
where's all the honor gone
was it ever richer
than the words
or the pockets of those
that profess their mastery of it
sweet road
to somewhere
please find me
I given up
some lesser vices
and keep the best
to balance my brighter points
and I think
the world is just
dancing
the same old moves

here and yet to be

look
ahead
and I see
fog and yet to be

and feel
there is here
and more of so many things we do
and fight for that are on the 52nd floor
when the ground is sinking
and barely patched together

we can't even stretch out arms
to reach one another in need
and yet we fight over protecting every last seed
over the needs of the stems
and roots and mud that already are

the future
will be ruble
if we don't lay down today
the corner stones
and turn to what builds us the most

I see problems
that need time
to fade and solve themselves

that slow medicine of time
and new minds
over blood
and the minds of today
that change only so fast

yet some leaps occur
and we are on the stage
ready for this
this jump into our brilliant future

our success
is going
to take both and all between
look ahead
and see

sweet life

the sugar
crystallizing in my viens
the life
still not sweetened to true contentment

the recipe ever eluding
but at least I am close enough to swat at happiness
swinging true and with great intent

love something I love itself
or experience still clothed in the kiss of dreams only recently left behind

the coffee brews
and only intensifies what ever already is
the pick me
up
leaves me wanting down
or sideways
some direction where the scenery is a bit more picturesque

my standards are low like roots plowing through the mud
and still stuck in drought

I am bound to get bit
in the strong eat weak
dance of the week

but really
content to just create
a little

some good
some value
some anything
that earns a smile

oppositions

new
old
green
brown
blue
white
blank
full
tarnished
polish
time
beyond
memory
the forgotten
black
sun
winter
warm
listen
turn
wake
refuel
wind
calm
home
empty
light
solid
sifting
hoarding
new
wise
blank

glow

you would rather pass the night in the glow
the glow of the tv
and the rosier prefab life

we've died into an afterlife less rewarding
but only as complicated
as our desires stretch it

you sip your tea
and sigh a pleasant little grin
off into the dim room
the bitterness
resolved by lemongrass and mint

I am a placebo
not really helping
but company is sometimes irreplaceable

bask in the glow
watch the shows and news
even when important
we really have so little
of it in us while staying put

breath is life and/or the continuation
of this dream and compressed reality

assuming my roots are in good order
since I can't see through the dirt
never mind how little I bother

maybe this
is all
there is

maybe just all
I have made
to date

waiting
for a gem of clarity to hit me over the head
cold
and
refreshing

oppositions

new
old
green
brown
blue
white
blank
full
tranished
polish
time
beyond
memory
the forgotten
black
sun
winter
warm
listen
turn
wake
refeul
wind
clam
home
empty
light
solid
sifting
and hording
new
wise
blank
inopurtune
have
create
end
no
beginning

to my daughter

you are dreams
hopes untarnished
so many days

you spend filled
each with new discoveries

every leaf that falls
at the end of the seasons
is to me at best the dirt in waiting for next spring

to you they are new
full of colors you didn't expect
shapes without names
more and more things to learn

to enjoy
process with purpose
and not just motions

you can hear me
as I want to be heard
as I want to inspire

you can see me
as I can best be
you can forgive the failings
I have
and still love and admire me

you take in all the best I want to pass on
and add you own knowledge and innocence
and retool it to fit the world you are growing

you inspire
me and a world that waits
to know you

since then

the music
doesn't
give like it used to

I can't
listen
listen away my troubles

into dreams of futures
or present alterations

I can't
love my way into bliss
without another half

if
the sun
don't rise don't matter

the clouds
the rain
or shine
my middle
is searching for mud

fresh and forgiving
the stuff that can make
a dead plant turned seed
a plant again

but instead
the rock
is just a bit
more solid
since I failed
or my head a little less tender
when it hits ground
hard

I can't listen away my troubles

the rock is
just a bit more solid
since I failed

the moon brighter
but colder
and distant as ever
for all the attention
I have left spend

I love you
like no other
and yet
that's not enough
to undo
the steps
already cast

all
but the final plays
to deal

vows wear
down
quickly
as the years are replaced
with disappointments

but I've still have a love
and it is so much more
than I act as though I deserve

too many
walk
away from life
with less

and you'd
think that be enough
to kick the melancholy right off my ass

yet insecure moments
dwell
I fear I am
about to get a due
reprisal

but then I get saved
by one of the brief lapses
where I catch us forgetting
smiling at each other
over some diversion

and I see the eyes so precious
and still in love beneath the struggle
we are bond up in

let us
live
that love
again

oh
let us
that love
that brought us here

let us live again
i love you

I know

I
know
you
hate
me
but
I
am
not
the usual
satan
I
appear
to
be

unoccupied

land
filling with us
or dryness

so many
years
spent

in service of forgotten needs
and dollars long ago spent

success unimportant
even a year past

this

there is this
and then
there is love
they smell the same
they are both warm, sometimes hot
they are both symbolized in red
they are both common in the company of flowers
but don't ever call them by the same name
there is this
and there is touch
after weeks of loneliness
there is the moment and the morning after
there is me before and after
with a world of different priorities
there is music
and just instruments
life and
life after
there are sunrises
and a sunset
or mostly the dark of night
long walks with no purpose
and romantic ones with falsehoods
there is this and
then there is more
there is this and then
there is us
there is this and then there
is love

coming

coming down hard
off a good life

cells just don't hold
what they used too
things getting in and out
with ease not in their original design

temporarily I can still sleep
a little of this off
but time catches all up
I don't know
what's next

but I am strung
out on a trip
one I'll never trade away
for an ordinary day

meant for me

The disgust
you meant for me
is filling your mirror

etching new
and early wrinkles
in your face

filling me
with guilt
that is not my own
but that I deserve

each
standing up for positions
that have not even a chair
to lean upon

if this is the past
that we must carry forward
then this is our future

if we can't see through
the fog of this
today and yesterday

into the people
we are alone and separate
from what we've done

we can stop
and work through
to something new

or just dream
and lie about the tide coming in
reaching closer to our shoulders
day after day

every doll

every dollar
i have
has a voice
speaking on its behalf
my lacking
leaving the world
to grant me
the easiest pockets to carry
little deferments
and subtle in-actions falling
in greater succession
than nights and days

every dollar
i have
has a voice
calling for me to let go
to give in
set it free, pay, pay, pay

for my lacking
I pay, pay, pay
where's good old conventional wisdom
when we are all buying

the dream
is high on sales
and low on value

every dollar
has a voice

has a voice
every dollar

telling me to accept this is the best
dream the world has to offer
all others are allusions

they loose you win

what is that smell

every dollar has
has
has a voice
already claiming purpose

every dollar
I have
has a voice
speaking on it's behalf

alternatives abound
but mostly in paper or vapor
every dollar
has a voice
crackling with blood
or old cigarette effects

every dollar
that comes my way
has a voice
looking out for it

today

what's left
love
power to change
my ways
and do more
for myself
for ourselves

what's left
two hands
grow my own
feed my own
feed ourselves

what's left
a few original thoughts
well in me for me, sure

what's left
shouldn't stop searching
just because its all been thought
once or twice

what's left
it takes many sometimes

what's left
my little corner

what's left
it all started somewhere
why not here

what's left
if nothing else I can offer
an example

what's left
dreams
the best motivators I've ever seen
my own
yours
and ours

what's left
disagreements
well maybe we both have something
to teach
each other
or to learn
to live and let live
together
not to overcome
and squash

what's left
money
that's being
worked off the list
one way or another
with greater speed than ever

what's left
at least something
it is 7:43, morning
and there's enough to start...

clutter weight

a thousand little things
I threw aside
turned boomerang
and coming home

thump

a dozen "I meant to's"
out of eye shot and further thought
but rolling back as marbles
into the next room
awaiting my sure footing

thump

clutter collecting
insurmountable
compassion beyond
good cause and effect.

on the last solstice

Today the sun died
the day lost the lead
the tally now more dark

After my head
found sleep
I pretended to dream
doesn't even work
not even as good
as you might hope

It all fell
like every year
with a stale mate
even draw

The afternoon understood
on offered here and now
one more slice of summer
despite the change in the wind
already signing a new name
in longer shadows
and colder tongues

october first

alone
walking
out long enough to detach
and think a bit
of the world
not us, but the rocks, the trees
this stream a dying trickle
waiting for winter...

the dreams
these stones lay in
will outlive me
even as I watch the leaves
fall and decay

the branches they left
watch me grow and fade
in the time they take
to climb
out of the their trunk

yet we shape and cut away
at the well being of this
in way and with a force
we we're never meant to have
all these advances
and things we have
haven't made us all
that so much happier
for every step easier we take
we lose respect
for how hard and worthwhile
a softer, firmer step is
in tune with the ground
the trees
the air
the water

we live too long or too short
I am not sure
but our time and means
allows us to cause more than fix
sending so many ills up
the generational stream

all this

all this mess
the importance
the urgency
only matters
if the future is still alive

my hopes
my dreams
my drive to help
only matters
if the future is still alive

the bombs
literal, virtual, and metaphoric
have ripples
and shock waves
that re-write our history
and borrow from our future

we see the curtain
tattered, but falling
and care less about
putting the bricks back in the walls
that only served to keeps us marching

in lanes to work
to the post office
to mail in the payments
to do our part
in the hive
to do our part
for our lords

not for ourselves
where is the society by the people
for the people

oh wait that was a "government"
and still just words if not empty
full of holes enough to bleed out the good
the intentions ever had

all of this
only matters
if the future is still alive

please let me build something real
something that feeds
rather than takes

all of this
only matters
if the future is still alive

please let me
be part in
any dream, any piece
of something
that will grow

we only matter
if the future is still alive

all this toil
is not enough if rewarded with only death
taxes and passing on of defeated dreams, morals, and purpose